The Phases of Who I Am
Who am I?
What am I doing?
Where am I heading?
Do these questions sound familiar? They might sound familiar to at least a few of you Sheeples... I know for a fact that these questions have been a part of my life for a very long time and at times even now, these questions will pop up as I sit in my room, working on my music or working on this amazing little collective we are growing right here in the Sheeples and I will think back to all the answers I've had I have been before I found my current self before I found a sliver of the answer to who I am and I think to myself that maybe... Just maybe, I am headed somewhere.
Growing up is always a weird time for everyone, especially when we are trying to find ourselves just like the people around us and while I might not be able to talk about someone else's journey, what I can do is talk about where I have been with these answers throughout the different places in my life.
The first one I feel starts for all of us around the same time in middle school where we are our awkward selves, trying to fit into pockets and groups and be accepted by the crowd, trying to follow the 'cool' trends and to an extent, start shedding that 'child-like' persona to seem more grown-up. Funny how so many of us romanticised the idea of being a grown-up and now that we are here, at times we just want to hit the undo button and go back to the beginning.
At that point though, the answers were relatively simple and yet, the most pertinent ones I ever had for myself. Them being simply, I am who I am (without knowing the context at all), I am enjoying what I'm doing ie. school, friends, sports, and everything in between even with all the ups and finally where I'm headed? I don't know but that's okay. These were somewhat my answers as a kid and I wonder if this fits you Sheeples as well.
Though it was a few years after that where my answers started to change... and it was a bit of a slippery slope, to say the least.
As I entered my teens and all the big 'moments' started coming into my life about what was to come after school and have I decided anything yet... That's when my answers started to change, the answer to 'Who I am?' changed to I don't know, with the second and third question's answers following the 'I don't know' lead but this time with a healthy serving of 'fright' filled into it.
As more years went by, the answers kind of became worse cause instead of finding myself, it just felt like I was either following everyone else around me or was just doing what I was told, and to add to that, I wasn't doing my best in those tasks leading me to just drop deeper down into the hole I was already in...
What were the answers you ask? Well... it went something like this:
Who am I? - No one
What am I doing? - Wasting away the time I have
Where am I heading? - I don't know and at this point, I don't care.
This is the phase I feel that would differ the most for everyone out there, cause I'm sure there are many of you Sheeples out here who might have been working on something to build up towards and might have had a plan to do so, while others who would be experimenting and going out there, learning for themselves what they can do and so on and so forth.
I'm not going to say that I had it really hard cause I am very privileged to be in the position I am in and to have the loved ones I have, but mental health and all these kinds of situations come up for so many, and if I can connect with you on this even a little bit, then I am grateful and I also want to tell you that if you are in this state right now, just remember to reach out, get help and also learn to forgive yourself a little bit, cause while I know there is a lot of work to be done, that does not mean you should give up on the current you.
Though moving ahead a good while, cause it took that much time as well, I was able to come up with answers that lead to who I am currently, and while I still am going to keep growing, learning, developing, I feel like these answers might remain... The answers themselves... Well:
Who am I? - I am me!
What am I doing? - Learning to enjoy the moment of where I am, the work I am putting in, and the people I have around me.
Where am I headed? - I don't know... But that's what's exciting about it, cause I don't want to know where I'll be or plan that part out, I want to do all I can and enjoy the journey I am on while doing so!
Does this sound oddly similar to you Sheeples? If you connected the dots then I think you realised that these are very similar to the answers I had for myself when I was a kid in middle school. It's funny how I had these answers for myself all along but they got muddled and faded along the way.
As I have grown up, I have gone through multiple phases of who I am, just like the moon, I have my dark side, my spots, my craters, and my marks, but in a similar manner, I am also trying to learn to light up the night's sky the way it does, and maybe one day I'll truly be able to reach that true potential.
It's funny how we made a full circle back to this point, though I guess that was more so for my own journey. I am curious though, what have your journeys been like? Have you asked these questions to yourselves? If yes then what were your answers? I would love to know what you Sheeples have to say about this matter.
Let us know about your thoughts and answers in the comments down below or you can even DM us on our socials if you find that more comfortable!
This is Ayushman Jain aka 1000Minus7 signing out!