How are you? Are you doing okay?
Have you taken time out for yourself recently?
Have you been selfish?
When we were kids, something we constantly heard, at least in my case was that we shouldn't be selfish, we should learn to give, share, to help others. Funnily enough, even though we might have taken the words at face value then or just heard people speak about it, we never really thought how much we would have internalised it too, how much 'I' would have internalised it.
As I grew up, these little habits of trying to keep the selfishness away, even at the expense of myself, kept growing and before I realised it, I was doing more for everyone around me than I was for myself, and as great as that made me feel, it also led me down to a place where I felt like I did not have time... time for myself, time for what I loved, time for my hobbies. It just all became jumbled.
The worst part is, it wasn't anyone else's fault that this was the case, rather, it was my own, I always kept taking on tasks that I may not have wanted to do, making commitments I did not want to make, but my default was always yes, and that didn't help... It still is a problem, to be honest, but I'm working on it I swear!
While the above few sentences might sound like I was constantly doing something or the other, which is totally not true, I would say, more than doing things physically, I wasn't leaving space for myself mentally and I truly realised this maybe two or so years back when everything came to a halt because of the pandemic we were in.
I realised how much space everything else was taking in my head when I should have made space for my own thoughts in the first place, and coincidentally enough this was also when I started realising what I wanted to do with myself, funny how that happened when I heard myself for the first time in years.
It's been two years since that development and while I still have my issues and insecurities and my habits, I have also learned and am still learning to give time to myself. I deserve to be selfish when it comes to me, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it!
Of course, I don't want to be an asshole (pardon my language) to other people but that doesn't mean I should be one to myself either and if any of you all out there are like me and relate to this a little bit, then take this a letter to yourself too.
You deserve to be selfish.
You deserve to be heard.
You deserve to be you.
I hope you Sheeples liked this little letter I wrote here today, I feel like I needed to get this little message off my chest and it feels good to do so.
This is Ayushman Jain aka 1000Minus7 signing out!