Mental Health- The Abyss of Insecurity
It's always a difficult conversation when you talk about mental health. You can feel the resistance surging through your veins, only until you begin. For most people I know (and it's okay if you don't resonate), these conversations get easier once the flow sets in. And that's why I urge you to get uncomfortable- I promise you that feeling goes away.
This pod initially began with the two of us getting curious about body dysmorphia disorder and wanting to talk about our experiences with it. The more we researched and spoke about it, the more we realized that we weren't quite going through that disorder. Sure we were on the distant fringes, but it is a much too serious condition to even fathom to self-diagnose. I mean you can try to converse with others and understand your symptoms better, but don't try to think you have a hang of it, that should be best left to the professionals.
Let's say you feel you have a rather large nose, or maybe your hairline receding in patches bothers you. You soon find yourself constantly looking in the mirror in a bid to try and 'hide' your 'perceived' abnormalities, seeking validation, more often than not putting yourself down. Soon the time spent increases to almost 3-4 hours of the day being spent in your 'ritual' and before you know it, you are held hostage by the person in the mirror who is constantly telling you that you are not good looking, you don't deserve happiness, you will be made fun of- the truth being told none of those things are true, but you tell yourself they are. It is almost like a part of you constantly seeks to be put down.
If this sounds like you, then you should read more on body dysmorphia disorder and seek up from a professional. If you hesitate to seek help because of financial constraints (which is completely justified), you should consider talking to a friend who you feel can create a safe space. At the very least, you could choose to maintain a diary or record voice notes on your phone. All of which are better options than not addressing your feelings.
Maybe many of us reading this feel that while we have minor symptoms like the above, there's not much to worry about. That's the funny thing with our mental health, our actions and our inactions always seem to be taking a silent toll on us. All we can do is to develop healthy coping mechanisms to break our fall.
It's difficult for me to admit this, but I've had a life-long struggle with the way I look. I find faults in everything. My height, my hairline, my eye color, everything. I truly would love to augment and change everything. It's a tough bullet to bite for me, but it is what it is. I find myself frequently struggling with insecurity and the moment I see somebody who looks the way I want to, the insecurity is triggered max. I become a very small person in my head and it feels like I'm becoming smaller and smaller to the point where no one can see me. I become invisible, and that is just soul-crushing, all sense of self-worth disappears.
This next paragraph isn't about how I've magically conquered my insecurities. Rather, with being home in the quarantine and with more time on hand, I find myself indulging more in my negative fantasies. There have been a few breakthroughs though. I've realized when I'm occupied with tasks at hand, or engaged in a state of flow doing things that I'm passionate about, my physicality rarely bothers me. It is like my body disappears and there's someone else in the air pulling my strings. It feels surreal- it truly feels like for that moment all negative thoughts have disappeared.
By expressing our fears on this warm-gooey-comforting vibe of a pod, we've taken our masks off. Admitted that we are mortal and have our faults. It is never an easy process admitting what fears plague you behind closed doors and solitary mirrors, but ultimately it makes us heal. In ways, we might not be able to understand, but we can feel.
If you'd like to gain the courage of removing the mask that we wear every day, maybe listening to us on this pod might give just the 'safe-space' you need. Happy healing sheeples, I believe in you :)
Link to the pod - http://bit.ly/learning-to-be-body-positive